Spend your stimulus check on weed
Thanks, Uncle Sam! I guess!
A little bird told me that many of you are $600 richer today! That’s nice! It should have been significantly more, but that’s a topic for different newsletters that other people have written. If this stimulus money is allowing you to indulge in a little luxury—and you won’t be spending it on, say, rent, medical bills, car registration, household supplies, or anything else essential—maybe you should spend it on weed. Or, at least, weed-related goods. Because you deserve it! Plus, it’s funny to me that the government gives us money and we can just immediately turn around and use it to buy pot stuff. Here are some products I’ve come across that are tested (usually, while I’m in bed, lol) and Cannabitch-approved.
Secret Jardin’s at-home grow tents, ~$191
If you have a mind to *profit*, might I suggest an at-home grow set-up? This is my number one choice for your money because we can think of it as a start-up grant from our shitty ass government. By growing weed at home, you can wean yourself off of the regulated market while simultaneously turning your plant green into even more green—that of the monetary kind. Plus, we’re still going to be home for a spell. You have the time.
Enthusiasts love Secret Jardin’s grow tents, which are widely considered the best bang for your buck on the market. The above image shows cannabis plants that were actually grown in one of these tents, snapped by fellow cannabis journalist and all-around fantastic person Lindsey Bartlett.
Daily High Club’s Ultimate Concentrates Dab Kit, $120
For many, dabbing is still the Wild Wild West of weed smoking. Some of you may roll your eyes at this assessment, but I maintain that it’s fair to say that any ingestion method that sometimes requires a blowtorch is, at the very least, decently hardcore. Dabbing is essentially freebasing weed! All of which is to say: if you’re kind of scared to dab, I get it. It can be intimidating to a newcomer—if one isn’t ready to invest in a pricey piece like the Puffco Peak (which I love, by the way, and would make another fine stimulus purchase), I strongly recommend the user-friendly concentrates kit from Daily High Club.
Included is a DHC scientific glass rig, a quartz banger, silicone dab mat, a double-ended carb cap, a dab tool, a non-stick silicone concentrates jar, and a magnum torch by Ignitus. Not only would it cost you much more to buy all of these things separately, but this takes the guesswork out of figuring out what, exactly, you need to make your dabbing dreams a reality.
My latest glass addition is this gorgeous foot-long glass water pipe from Elevate Jane called Mimi. It’s stylish, comfortable to hold, and a really smooth hitter. Honestly, I smoke more bongs these days just because I have it—it’s a joy to use and I feel pretty when I smoke out of it. For reference, my daily smoker before this was a purple ZONG, which, I know! How 90’s! Anyway, Mimi is also easy to clean. That’s ideal since it is clear in color. I actually clean Mimi much more frequently than I do my other glass, simply because it isn’t a pain in the ass to do so.
My only real gripe is that the base is skinny, which means added care is required around it as it tips over easier than do other bongs with thicker bottoms (lol). It’s a good price for what you get and its long, narrow shape also means you could shove it up Mitch McConnell’s ass if such an opportunity presented itself.
Rolling papers from Field Trip, $14
Let’s say that, like me, you actually need to spend that six large on life’s necessities and only have a little bit leftover. Cute rolling papers are a great investment for three reasons. One, they are an inexpensive indulgence. Two, they add a bit of color and whimsy to an otherwise joyless existence (ha ha, JK!) Three, having them on hand is an excellent incentive to keep up with a joint rolling practice, rather than avoiding the ritual altogether out of laziness.
I like Field Trip’s papers because they use rice paper, which is a healthier alternative to hemp or wood pulp paper as far as the lungs are concerned. Rice paper also burns slower but its thinness means it requires a bit more skill when rolling, which is fine since you’ll be practicing a lot, right? Right. I adore the leopard print version, but the psychedelic ones are just as cool. The papers are also vegan and made with organic dyes.
Rogue Paq Ritual Case, $249
Easily one of my favorite weed accessories I got in 2020, Rogue Paq’s Ritual Case is pretty much the best stash bag, ever. First of all, it comes in black lambskin or vegan leather, which is ideal for me, since I only wear black. But that means it also goes with whatever you own, too, since black is a neutral. Secondly, the roll-up case comes equipped with smell-suppression, thin liners, two deep side pockets, and a removable smaller center case.
The look is discreet and stylish enough that it could be carried alone as a small clutch purse without anyone noticing what’s actually inside. I have mine monogrammed with an embossed cannabis leaf and my first and last initials, “JB.” In it, I’m able to fit a glass spoon, a Nuggy, joints, flower, lighters, a PAX Era, and more, all at the same time. It has allowed me to become an insufferable but consistently well-stocked stoner no matter where I go, which is always a great flex.
Smokable herbs, $10 and up
No, not that smokable herb! Get your mind out of the gutter. These are herbs other than the cannabis plant (which isn’t actually a herb) that you can smoke to great delight. The first, which are completely legal to buy and ship anywhere, are Oregon-based company Barbari’s herbal blends, which are intended to be rolled up into a spliff with other goodies, like cannabis, for a fresh and floral taste. They can also be steeped as a tea or used as potpourri but, let’s be honest, smoking is the most fun option, as it so often is. My favorite blend is “Airplane Mode,” which is a mix of dried rose, raspberry leaf, lavender, sage, and blue lotus (blue lotus is often cited as mild psychedelic with euphoric effects).
I also love Drew Martin Co.’s pre-rolled joints, which are lower-dose THC (around 13%) pre-rolls with different herbal blends mixed in. Those are only available in California. Barbari also has its blends pre-rolled with cannabis available for purchase in Oregon, as well as hemp spliffs available for legal purchase and shiping to anywhere via Barbari’s website. The rest of you languishing in prohibition (truly, you have my sincerest condolences) will just have to roll yourselves. Which is fine, since you’ve been practicing!!
Weed, market price
Maybe you’ve heard of it, the Cannabis sativa L plant? I enjoy smoking it—it makes me feel funny—and I think you might, too. Go buy some!
A random stoned thought
The other day I was pretty high while hiking and this song came on. I realized that it’s the aural embodiment of being stoned. When someone asks me, “Jackie, what’s it like to be stoned?” (this actually happens a lot) sometimes I struggle to find the right words, despite, you know, the fact that I employ words as the main function of my vocation. Next time, I’m just going to tell people to listen to this song, instead.
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Recently published
In January/February’s print issue of Sierra Magazine I wrote a guide on how to shop for cannabis in the most safe and sustainable way (geared towards legal markets).
In the January/February print issue of San Diego Magazine, I contributed to this story about road trip destinations. My selections included Idyllwild, the Salton Sea, Jacumba Hot Springs, and New Cuyama.
For Forbes I wrote about Weldon Angelos, a rap producer and cannabis entrepreneur who was recently pardoned by the outgoing President.
For San Diego Magazine I wrote about mutual aid.
For Forbes I wrote about the gold Volcano vaporizer, which you could use your stimulus to buy, but you’d have to kick in extra.
For Forbes I wrote about a promising new anti-anxiety treatment targeting the endocannabinoid system, which is being researched in Canada
For Forbes I wrote about the gnarliest edibles available on the legal market—200 milligrams THC!
My Cannabitch about camping in the Emerald Triangle during wildfires was re-published by the fine folks at Canada’s Inside the Jar—one of my favorite indie cannabis publications.
Have you checked out Cannabitch: THE PODCAST!?!?!!!!!!
Recent episodes include actor and cannabis farmer (!) Jim Belushi, drag queen Laganja Estranja, surveillance tech purveyor Derek Porter, and Rachel King of edibles company Kaneh Co.
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Thank you for being here! If you’re still looking for ways to spend your stimulus check, this newsletter is always accepting paid subscribers. Thank you and happy new year!